When Will My Teenage Daughter Be Nice Again?

When Will My Teenage Daughter Be Nice Again?

This is a real question that Australian mums type into Google, word for word, in numbers that would make you feel a lot less alone. So let's answer it properly.

Short answer: yes, and sooner than you think

The girl who currently communicates in sighs is not gone. She's mid-renovation. Every stage of this, the withdrawal, the spikiness, the allergic reaction to your singing in the car, is developmentally normal and temporary. Most mums find the storm peaks in the early-to-mid teens and then, quietly, without an announcement, the girl comes back. Older, funnier, and with opinions, but back.

Why she's meanest to you specifically

Here's the brutal, backwards compliment of it: she saves her worst for you because you're the safest place she has. School requires a full performance all day. You get the collapse afterwards, because somewhere deep down she knows you're not going anywhere. The meanness isn't a measure of how little she loves you. It's a measure of how certain she is that you love her.

Check the calendar before you check yourself

A decent chunk of "she's awful lately" runs on a monthly schedule. The week before her period, hormones dip and everything gets louder. If you track it, you may find "lately" is actually "one week in four." That week calls for lower expectations, higher snacks, and zero lectures.

Will she come back to me?

Mums Google this one too, and it deserves a gentle answer: yes. The closeness you're grieving isn't deleted, it's stored. Your job through the storm is to stay findable. Keep showing up in small ways she doesn't have to respond to: the favourite dinner, the note, the little parcel with her name on the label. We built Gurl Code for exactly that job, a monthly period and self-care box that keeps arriving, keeps caring, and never needs her to say the right thing back.

Be nice again? She will be. And she'll be nicest, one day, about the fact that you never stopped.

Keep reading: Why Is My Teenage Daughter So Moody?

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